Saturday, February 25, 2006
Hello, here's an update one week too late..These seven days have been pretty sadistic, with school work, band, frustrations, stupidkids, script +creativity, loyalties,the beautiful game,and the occasional(but very much treasured) ray of sunshine and sMile, forming a swirling confluence of emotions for me to thrust my head in and pull the flush upon.
Hmm..I seem to have a little difficulty translating opinion, thought and a semblence of a point of view into, well words currently. Like I type something, and I backspace almost immediately.
Hmm..I hate (wah fierce) this very much watered down, general post, with not a grandiose amount of detail, much lest dehead. *wry movement of cheek muscles*. I don't think it's not gonna last for long, this blogger's write, or writer's blog, whichever you prefer,because as I contemplate further, and try to stop to think and reflect, there's quite a lot of things which I can write about, and I believe you will enjoy(I hope) reading about. But not now.
Hmm... Maybe that's the problem. This week has been going at such a breakneck/cutthroat pace that I haven't had the time to stop and just reflect, relieve and recycle.haR haR haR. (I won't blame you if you click the x at the top right corner of your screen now..heh)
Back to point.
The fact that I have been getting home from school and stuff at 10pm every night, and due to this week being test week and Arsenal vs Real Madrid, I have not slept the earliest in a while. I'm afraid this humble abode's gonna turn into a motel as I go on and on in IB..the Serangoon B and B, all you need for surviving another day in utopia.
sheesh. Thus, any morsel of a moment to myself, which I would normally just go on a day dream marathon, and somehow through the clutter find something to express an opinion about, has been sold to the Sleep God- King Koil.hahahaha. K before I go on let me just apologize for all this lameness, one week without writing, and writing on the back of watching Dodgeball, as well as just having completed one of the best scripts in centrestage history with Mel and Ben sorta does this to you. (:
Ok as I was saying, so the matter at hand is that since I haven't been able to just quiet myself without dozing off(hahah), I'm having trouble coming to blogger.com and try to contemplate.
Hmm...It sucks not being able to translate emotion to word, or screen due to the rustiness of not formulating an opinion throughout the week, so forgive my repetiton of the key term "Hmmm." This forces me to go reflecting a tad bit.
Hmm.....I can't believe how not writing for a week has rendered me so unbelieveably mediocre in my thought processes. Ugh. Of the disgusting. You see, I don't say"oh I'm gonna go blog about trees today"and play word association and think of stuff about trees. But rather I'd think " 1,2,3. Meow Meow Bark Bark...Oh let's write about trees!!oneoneeleven"
Hmmm...that didn't even make sense. Basically what I have to offer now is that this maddening rush of IB does ths to you. Leaves you no room to think about what's happening to you. It's not just IB per se, but in trying to be a scholarleaderglobalcitizen, I feel pressured to shut out all delusions of grandeur, and basically contemplative thought. After each night of catatonic sleep IB sort of grows on you, forcing out el Realist in you.
Hmmmmm.
Alright, I guess that I'm fine..A little sore and geksim, for a host of reasons which I will gladly give should there be a demand (bleddy pragmatist), but I'll get by. And besides, I realized that I've just wrote an entire entry about not being able to write a proper entry. Whoanelly, and it ain't half bad..haha..maybe it's maybelline.
So yup, I've got many things to look forward to tommorow, mainly Jap food indulgence ( not so much about the food) , a possible Monthy Python screening ( not so much about the show, although I'm ready to laugh quite incessitantly), and wonderful company. (It's all about the company.) *wide movement of cheek muscles*.
Hmmmm.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
So I was at acjc's funorama yesterday with the entire extended ac, mg family and well those in between. I was walking around mostly with yang, sher and benlay but the whole confluence of floundering masses meant that I was walking around with everybody. And what struck me was that amongst all the happy faces as smiley as the smiley on the driveway, there were many who have have played a part in shaping who I am today. Be they ex- classmates or school mates, seniors, close friends, not so close friends, accquaintances, girls, guys, apple, orange...ah you get the idea. Never before has walking around the acjc campus given me such a flood of memories, of people, of events, of emotions and feelings. It's as if in each and every familar face and voice I see and hear, there's something inside which evokes an unending travel back and forth through time, from my primary school days in the great halls of js, to prepubescence, to anglo-chinese school(independent), the place where my heart strings are very much closely tied to, to the present, still very much a part of acsi, yet detached by circumstance.
It is then, that I realize that outside my immediate family, my entire world of communication, my entire sphere of contact, is bound by the fabrics of ACS. Take away the hallowed letters and I am nought. In these 11 years of being a part of the Anglo-Chinese School, I have forged friendships, and relationships that I know I'll keep in my memories always, and that some of these will remain physically even as I age and grow some beards.
So indulge me, will you for a bit of reminiscing. However the reason why this is not your average flashback, is that because most of the people that have shaped and crafted my perspectives and impressions over the years have grown up with me, and remained in my life all this time. Does this make my memories more fleeting? Less sweet because the time spent with these people keeps on recurring? I honestly don't know. Is it true that memories which cannot be relived are the most treasured? Or are these moments the ones most tinged with sadness? Once again I don't know..But I do know, that even though you see the same people everyday, some things that happened in the past can only be that, a figment of a time once passed. The fact that we've been saturated in terms of contact with the rest of our kind dosen't mean that the memories shared five, six, ten years ago are any less fond.
I'm amazed by how my circle of friends can remain mostly the same for 11 years. Technically it's easy to say why, that since we're all from js, it's natural to go to acsi with the measly cutoff point, et.al . But 11 years ain't a short time, and time speaks for itself and I thank God for these brothers who I have grown up with. I mean, words can't say alot so I'll just leave a picture here. The infamous Pri 6.10 of 2001, the only class to still visit JS together, and where most of which still remain very much close friends till this day.
6.10 is a memory very much close to my heart. But truth be told, even though I can relieve the times spent over and over again with the guys now whenever we meet, 6.10, or even 4.16 can never happen again in the exact same way they did before..
And even as I was mulling over this last night, I read mel's blog, and I see that so was she. I think that it's incredibly hard to tear yourself away from your comfort zone and to undergo a whole paradigm shift. Which is why, in my trumpeting of having been an ACSian for more than a decade, there is a little note of respect and deep admiration for those of you that are willing to step into waters unchartered. And it's true, how it is beyond true blue ACSians like me to understand how painful it is to just pack your bags and leave your best friends. I mean, I still get to see people from 4.16, 6.10, heck even my pri 1 classmates like oeij and hans everyday..
Well, I'm never good with words and stuff,but let me just say that I know its not easy to cope with change. Not easy at all. Oh and Mel, I don't know if you'll read this but whatever happens just know that I'll be there to help you get over. I may not be the most apt, and I don't think I'll be a very good reminder of mg for ya (haha),but I know that I can be there to listen to your memories. And I hope that maybe by saturating me with regal stories and glorious tales of Blackmore Drive, you will feel better in your journey, through the gates of 121 Dover Road. (:
happy sunday afternoon.
the world awaits.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter,
I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' crazy
No, I haven't become siaoliao and resorted to overused wedding songs to describe my heart for Vanstine day, albeit one day too late. Rather,after hearing this little Marx ditty(Richard, not Karl) being performed tonight, in the midst of the crowd, the tumult and haste of Orchard road ever so tastefully, I can't help but admit that, the words and tune of the song ain't that hopelessly commercial, cheesy, corny and other words that start with C. Rather, in the same way Karl got his kicks from berating the bourgeios, I do believe Richard penned his song with the aid of his definition of, love. And what's this love may I ask? The love of someone so deep that you would rather wait an eternity for her at the expense of your sanity? hmmm.
Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' crazy
True love is not defined as the number of stalks of roses you recieve, nor is it engraved in the cuts of jewellrey, and neither is it embedded at the centre of a piece of expensive cocoa. I was walking down Orchard Road tonight with Lavi and we saw this pair of Red Indians, with the traditional garb of feathers, head dress and whatnot busking outside Takashimaya. One had a clean electric guitar, while the other an assortment of traditional Cherokee fluts, as well as the most beautiful wooden pan flute you could ever envisage. Behind them was a Yamaha synth producing the harmonies and bass lines. At their feet lay an opened guitar case, which was littered with cash from the passing crowd. There was a dude in front of them selling Cds of their music for 20 bucks who told me that all of them were from Ecuador who came to Singapore to spread their music.
Cool stuff. But what was cooler was the way the two of them harmonized and worked together to make the most beautiful music you could ever hear on a Wednesday night in Orchard. They peformed Let It Be by The Beatles, adding a nice rustic feel to it with the use of the traditional Red Indian instruments..Heh Lavi said I was mesmerized, but I swear you could only describe the experience as ethereal. Really woke up the band guy in me (: Anyway, we couldn't stay and watch for long as it was kinda late, so we only remained for one last song.
And whoanelly, straight out of the Romantic Manifesto the Two Little Indians played Right Here Waiting.
I know it ain't something huge to shout about. Buskers love love songs. But the sheer beauty of the whole situation just struck me. Haha it was a spiritual experience no doubt, the pan flute soaring togehter with the breeze which was especially cooling in Orchard..It could only be God I muse. Try reading the lyrics of the song again, and taking away the"oh baby" parts,look how apt it seems when we see God as the lyricist. Not going over the top here, and I'm not saying that Marx intended his song to be converted(literally) to a spiritual endeavour.
But just take the time, I guess, as your hearts flutter and crest and through with each passing day, in IB or JC or whatever, to remember that the purest form of love came concealed in two wooden planks tied together, and it will never change or go away...So don't feel depressed or anything if your cassanova attempts aren't working, and if it's any consolation...
I spent Vanstine's Day in band.
and i'm lovin it. badabababa.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Thank God that I didn't have to take the O levels.
Now that wasn't a concieted 'Hah I told you so', or a statement of confidence. Rather I'm just relieved, and very frightened by the fact that I didn't have to go through this hellish experience, and that I'll have no experience(besides the PSLE) of major examinations except for..erm my IB diploma in 2 years?! *panik* But seriously, hats off to all of you Express people that mugged your ways bloodshot eyed to today. The psle was but a fleeting moment till today, when I saw many worried faces, creased brows and pale complexions queue up to get the sheets of paper...The 1240 bell was like a death knell. It was quite horrifying. But I don't know whats more horrifying, that or the fact that I don't have this experience. The final IB exams don't look that far ahead now..and with the general forecast of feelings for today's yoof to be anxious and hyperventilating, I can't help but feel a tad worried...
Ugh. and you know what's the worst thing? I can congratulate, and marvel at the ones that ya know, get 7,8 A1s and stuff ( which I think is hella awesome).. but I can only stand here, like a helpless traffic light watching an accident taking place right in front of me, and do nothing, when I see people upset over their results. How do I console them? I have not taken part in their labour, although I know that it was full of blood and sweat. These travails I have no participation of, and is that a good thing? Mel told me that half of mg was crying today. I swear its just such a morbid and sickening feeling to see people cry, and you being able to do diddlysquat to ease their pain, or to comfort them. What common, rehashed phrases can you employ to hope for a small glimmer of a smile?
Mind if I digress? A small peek into beyond this confident exterior and here's a few things in life that I fear, and would never wanna come into contact with as much as possible in my humble existence here on earth.
1) Isolation. No man is an island they say. I need an archiepelego dammit.
2)Being Speechless. You know sometimes when your mind goes blank, and words can't formulate in your mouth? Especially during a) important academic presentations/debates b) a treasured moment with that special someone, and you're gazing into each others' eyes, and you know that you're enjoying the moment. Yet you have nothing to say at all. And you can't say "Brb", or reply the sms after you've thought about something to say..
3)Seeing girls cry.
4)Seeing girls cry and not being able to do anything at all to provide a little solace.
I'm not being chauvanistic here, or saying that girls are weak. When a guy sheds tears, its powerful I guess. But for me I just can't watch a girl cry, and not being able to comfort her. It's just this innate thing in my psyche that compels me never EVER to wanna make a girl sad, or allow a girl to get hurt.May I reiterate, this is not some Cassanova,Romeo, Saviour of The Universe kinda conviction and mentality. But rather, its just this thing inside me that can't stand seeing a girl getting hurt, emotionally or otherwise. Heroism? nah.. I dunno what it is either, except that it pains me deep when a girl I know just breaks down and cries, and I can't do anything but stand and watch, like the coward I am.....
I don't even dare to offer my shoulder.
Heh it's true I guess, the old adage, more grievous than tears are the sight of them .I remember reading this book saying that every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right instantly. heh how true. I have never mastered the art of shedding tears, but I guess that what soap is for the body, tears are for the soul, so its ok to cry baby.
Just hope that I can bear to see it . (:
So sorry to have gone off tangent a tad bit people, and my apologies for being so emotional(i think). It is not my wish for you to come here and see bitching, gossiping and bitterness. Rather through this site I want you to experience what's life for me. What makes my heart ache, leap and do other acrobatic manouvers. And on this note I'll say adieu till my next outpouring of thoughts. I'm feeling a bit heavy ( not what you think la! I've lost 6kg since school started oredi!haha), but I know that others may feel that they have the divine right to more grief and sorrow.
Well to those let me just offer my E- hanky and E-shoulder for you to bury your hurt in. I can't understand what you're going through, but just know, that you're not alone. God's with you.
Always.
and well me too (:
Thursday, February 09, 2006
There are some things in life that make you change your perspective of what's happening around you. Make you ask questions which don't really have any purpose, but by their answers you would have drawn meaning. What's victory, and what's defeat? A meagre difference between hope and despair. And then may I ask what's the motivation for wanting this difference so badly? Why do we even want to succeed if the outcome is the same? Disappointment. And this is why communism failed. Why put in effort if the reward is the same crap that everyone's getting.
But don't let me digress to Marxist ideology. I'm just having a semi dsytopian bout now. And don't try figuring out what I mean by certain things, and stuff like that because firstly I'm not trying to delve into secrecy and whatnot.I've got nothing to hide and I won't speak in riddles and jiggles if I've got something to say. Guess it's just a culmination of stuff over the past couple of weeks that have got me wondering what's my purpose in doing the stuff that I do. Not seeing instant results can make one grow weary and tired and I guess that I'm just an ordinary person, I don't know which way to go, and maybe I should take things slow..take things sloooowww..
haha. news flash. It's valentine's day in a bit..just gonna let that sink in. I don't know who's gonna dare to buy the hundred stalks of roses thingy from sch. They'll get stick no end. It's like just because you feel a sense of attraction to someone you're expected to do something about it. Not just during valentine's day, but everyday. It's as if just because you like someone you have been slapped with a set of rules and regulations that people expect you to follow. And if you don't..
It's a pie in the sky kinda thing. You want something but then you don't know if you do. It's quite confusing actually. Same with this entry. I should start writing more organized and coherently if I wanna ace my HLs which require an insane amount of writing I just realized. But this just shows my state of mind now I guess. I'm in constant limbo, kinda knowing my purpose in this sate of existence, yet I want more..
Sigh I do believe that I do not have the luxury of time to dwell on these confused thoughts. Maybe I'm born with it, or maybe it's Maybelline, but its my vocation to think, not necessarily rationally I must add. And my thoughts tend to wander all over the place.
I beg thee to rationalize me.
muchthanketh.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I'm supposed to be doing a TOK reflection now on knowledge and belief. And what better precursor to writing a good essay than to blog! Well not really, because something tells me that I really should start talking about So Crates soon. So Yeah. hahahah. But to tide everyone over, and in lieu with my recent reaquaintance with Big Brother due to analysis of 1984 during El A1, and the study of Single Party States in History, may I present to you a picture that almost all Acsi dudes should have somewhere buried in their comps, and all but forgotten. Ah I remember someone sent this picture to me late 2004, maybe Jamal. hmm.. But I recall that this picture was everyone's MSN display pic for a loong time ( they did have display pics in 2004 right?:S and I do miss the "de deng" of the old MSN 3.1).
Whoever photoshopped this ( you didn't think it was a real portrait did you?) has quite a sense of humour. and quite alot of guts. Haha and so do I, I guess(and jest), since this is a blog, and the pic's regarding a figure of the school. So since 2 and 2 make 5 (1984 rocks), this reeks of controversy dosen't it? *shudders*.
Oh well, without further ado.........
heh. ok time to tok.
Friday, February 03, 2006
They say a picture paints a thousand words. Then whoanelly, we've got some verse here! Dream Theater Live In Singapore act 2 :
(courtesy of purplehaze and www.soft.com.sg)
and the luckiest bugger on the face of this earth :
ahhhh the memories. Ok like I said the 2nd set was just brillant, included masterpieces such as :
I Walk Beside You
Sacrificed Sons
As I Am
Octavarium
Endless Sacrifice
THE SPIRIT CARRIES ON
Pull Me Under
So yeah that pretty much wraps up Dream Theater's journey in Singapore, and oh how privileged I was to be able to witness Music at its best. Not in a real literary mood now,so please excuse my lack of superlatives and hyperbole, because its half to midnight, and yes I am fatigued.
See ya.