Fine. Go Ahead. Confisicate the Family Buffalo. I dare you.
Delivered at 1:46 AM;
Monday, December 25, 2006
Love Actually
Sigh, I really really couldn't resist putting this up.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Dave Matthews Band - #41
And what sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won't you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you, and
Why won't you run
Into the rain and play and
Let it splash all over you..
Friday, December 22, 2006
i am a busy person no not just a busy person but an aimless busy person not knowing what he is busy for or what he is busying himself about except for the fact that if he does not busy himself with these things he will be aimless free and headed to the deep end of the sea with a boulder tied to his leg and he is for the first time truly afraid and worried about his future next year will be a flash next year will be over as soon as it started and he is afraid he will mess up the future that depends on next year and he is afraid for the first time ever that he cannot do enough pull ups (because he is not strong enough and he admits it) to ensure that he does not have to go in two months early and miss prom miss friends miss family miss people miss life and he is also afraid that he is not hardworking enough not smart enough not organized enough to complete ib no wait not just complete ib but to excel ib to get 42 points and he recalls how he managed to scrape through p6 and do well in psle 262 much higher than he expected but he does not know if he can repeat the same feat because this is ib and he is also afraid that he will not be able to juggle band and ib and band takes alot from a person but gives back alot but what it does not give back is time and to conclude all in all he is worried that next year will just be a huge **** up and he will be regretting what he did and what he did not and it gnaws at his insides and he does not want to be stumbling dirty drunk and aimless down a dark grey street regretting and yes the only thing now that he can do is to write on this blank slate all his worries and it is therapeutic in a way because he is displaying all his fears to the world and without punctuation in the hope that these fears will dissipate as he expresses them bit by bit and his heart is heavy because he does not know if he is ready the rest of the school and the rest of the world may be ready but he does not think he is and he is suddenly reminded of a song an old song one from his youth that may help him overcome this and may help him move on it is a hymn an old hymn but the words of the hymn seem so reassuring that it is too good to be true and well yeah this is what he is bothered by three days before christmas and he thanks you for reading through this punctuation void hell and below is this hymn that might just help him survive not the whole hymn actually just bits but its enough and he hopes it will encourage you and hopes for himself to not be dragged down by the immense boulder or ib that is tied to his leg anymore
I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
But I know Who holds my hand.
I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
I have realized that the world spins forward. Not round and round on its axis, that's just a lie. The reality is that the world, on no axis at all spins forward, at such great a speed that we do not notice we're moving forward, until someone shouts "Halt!" the world's spinning forward and I need to do something with my life!"
Well, halt! I need to do something with my life!
Three things have made me come into this realization though, and lists are always good. so...
1.
I, have been for the first time defeated by meritocracy. I always knew, in a Singapore dystopia that I'd be beaten by the A plus and A star people in job opportunities and whatnot, but sigh this is too soon. Because limpeh never stardy mecks, lim peh had to go maths re exam (like those computer upgrading night courses) and thus lim peh cannot become OGL because no point. Or rather not enough point. So much for peer appraisal rankings. Ah well, beggars and blue collar workers can't be choosers, and I heard the council (opposition) fought hard for our rights..so.....don't comprain lor! Just hope your lift got upgrading next time.
Come to think of it is this even meritocracy? hahaha
2.
www.ns.sg is the shortest url I have ever seen. But therein contains the longest two years of my life. I signed up for deferment today (sounds so cool eh) from national service, following the steps laid out in that bright orange letter from Mindef, the Ah peks and twenty something yuppies sitting around the library where I was looking at me figure my way around with much amusement and "ah he kena liao" eyes. Reservist tinted eyes, I must add. The world spins forward.
Left, right, Left, right, Left-
I don't like letters from Mindef very much.
3( in relation to 2).
It looked like any other ordinary surprise birthday dinner at fish and co for a bro (happy seventeenth marcus low). But the conversation at our table, for the majority of the night centered around our duty to our beloved country and the ills, thrills and spills attached! How can one!Whatever happened to boy talk? :(
I swear at this rate I'll eventually start talking to my rifle and make crude jokes about how the other shoots blanks.
The end.
Oh on another note, we should have saw it coming. It was there on BBC radio, it was there in print, it was there on our theater screens for goodness sake. Douglas Adams is a genius. He did have it figured out. Either that or he's psychic. Or he works at IBO.
I mean, how can you not be the above....
if you realize, comprehend and declare ....
that the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is goddamn 42!!
(45 if you're nervous/Singaporean)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Lady Mary was young, and Lady Mary was fair. She had two brothers, and more lovers than she could count. But of them all, the bravest and most gallant, was a Mr. Fox, whom she met when she was down at a country-house. No one knew who Mr. Fox was; but he was certainly brave, and surely rich, and of all her lovers, Lady Mary cared for him alone. At last it was agreed upon between them that they should be married. Lady Mary asked Mr. Fox where they should live, and he described to her his castle, and where it was; but, strange to say, did not ask her, or her brothers to come and see it.
So one day, near the wedding-day, when her brothers were out, and Mr. Fox was away for a day or two on business, as he said, Lady Mary set out for the castle. And after many searchings, she came at last to it, and a fine strong house it was, with high walls and a deep moat. And when she came up to the gateway she saw written on it:
Be Bold, Be Bold.
But as the gate was open, she went through it, and found no one there. So she went up to the doorway, and over it she found written:
Be Bold, Be Bold, But Not Too Bold.
Still she went on, till she came into the hall, and went up the broad stairs till she came to a door in the gallery, over which was written:
Be Bold, Be Bold, But Not Too Bold, Lest That Your Heart Blood Should Run Cold.
But Lady Mary was a brave one, she was, and she opened the door, and what do you think she saw? Why, bodies and skeletons of beautiful young ladies all stained with blood. So Lady Mary thought it was high time to get out of that horrid place, and she closed the door, went through the gallery, and was just going down the stairs, and out of the hall, when who should she see through the window, but Mr. Fox dragging a beautiful young lady along from the gateway to the door. Lady Mary rushed downstairs, and hid herself behind a cask, just in time, as Mr. Fox came in with the poor young lady who seemed to have fainted. Just as he got near Lady Mary, Mr. Fox saw a diamond ring glittering on the finger of the young lady he was dragging, and he tried to pull it off. But it was tightly fixed, and would not come off, so Mr. Fox cursed and swore, and drew his sword, raised it, and brought it down upon the hand of the poor lady. The sword cut off the hand, which jumped up into the air, and fell of all places in the world into the lap of Lady Mary. Mr. Fox looked about a bit, but did not think of looking behind the cask, so at last he went on dragging the young lady up the stairs into the Bloody Chamber.
As soon as she heard him pass through the gallery, Lady Mary crept out of the door, down through the gateway, and ran home as fast as she could.
Now it happened that the very next day the marriage contract of Lady Mary and Mr. Fox was to be signed, and there was a splendid breakfast before that. And when Mr. Fox was seated at table opposite Lady Mary, he looked at her.
How pale you are this morning, my dear.
Yes, said she,
I had a bad rest last night. I had horrible dreams.
Dreams go by contraries, said Mr. Fox;
but tell us your dream, and your sweet voice will make the time pass till the happy hour comes.
I dreamed, said Lady Mary,
that I went yestermorn to your castle, and I found it in the woods, with high walls, and a deep moat, and over the gateway was written:
Be Bold, Be Bold.
But it is not so, nor it was not so, said Mr. Fox.
And when I came to the doorway over it was written:
Be Bold, Be Bold, But Not Too Bold.
It is not so, nor it was not so, said Mr. Fox.
And then I went upstairs, and came to a gallery, at the end of which was a door, on which was written:
Be Bold, Be Bold, But Not Too Bold, Lest That Your Heart Blood Should Run Cold.
It is not so, nor it was not so, said Mr. Fox.
And then I opened the door, and the room was filled with bodies and skeletons of poor dead women, all stained with their blood.
It is not so, nor it was not so. And God forbid it should be so, said Mr. Fox.
I then dreamed that I rushed down the gallery, and just as I was going down the stairs, I saw you, Mr. Fox, coming up to the hall door, dragging after you a poor young lady, rich and beautiful.
It is not so, nor it was not so. And God forbid it should be so, said Mr. Fox.
I rushed downstairs, just in time to hide myself behind a cask, when you, Mr. Fox, came in dragging the young lady by the arm. And, as you passed me, Mr. Fox, I thought I saw you try and get off her diamond ring, and when you could not, Mr. Fox, it seemed to me in my dream, that you out with your sword and hacked off the poor hand to get the ring.
It is not so, nor it was not so. And God forbid it should be so, said Mr. Fox, and was going to say something else as he rose from his seat, when Lady Mary cried out:
But it is so, and it was so. Here is hand and ring I have to show, and she pulled out the hand of the lady from her dress, and pointed it straight at Mr. Fox.
At once her brothers and her friends drew their swords and cut Mr. Fox into a thousand pieces.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out
Ah those were the times... (:
Friday, December 08, 2006
I was slowly passing an orphan's home one dayAnd stopped there for a moment just to watch the children playAlone a boy was standing and when I asked him why He turned with eyes that could not see and he began to cry I'm nobody's child,
I'm nobody's child
I'm like a flower just growing wild
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smile
Nobody wants me
I'm nobody's child
People come for children and take them for their own
But they all seem to pass me by and I am left alone
I know they'd like to take me but when they see I'm blind
They always take some other child and I am left behind
No mother's arms to hold me or soothe me when I cry
Sometimes it gets so lonely here I wish that I could die
I'd walk the streets of heaven where all the blind can see
And just like all the other kids there'd be a home for me
I just can't seem to figure out
Why the folks all pass me by
Cause I know that it's true that God takes little blind children With Him in the sky
And they tell me that I'm oh so pretty
And they seem to like my big curls of gold
But then they take some other little child
And I'm left here all alone
I'm nobody's child,
I'm nobody's child
I'm like a flower just growing wild
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smile
Nobody wants me
I'm nobody's child
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Hurrah, the previous post was the 200th on this site. Time flies when you're having fun, no?
Anyway, I've come across a quandry. And before you read on, I am in perfect knowledge of, and have fully considered the fact that this entry is the archetype of one that when I am old, rocking in my rocking chair, will consider fondly with a wry smile and a chortle for added effect, wondering why it deserved thought and questioning its merit as a quandry. Even now it may seem immaterial to readers, but please, bear with me and if you have to laugh and snigger, do it quietly.
Knowing how you will remember yourself in the past in the future is quite a fancy thing actually. And my dilemma thus, its subject matter regarding the only thing that someone seventeen years young will probably only think about - love, or therelackof.
My heart tells me that I am wizened, and lovewise (that's damn 1984), and have seen alot, which in reality cannot be further from the truth. Anyhow, my quandry is whether close friends can be lovers in essence. Now wait, before you put on your thinking caps and raise your chins shouting rah! let me elaborate. With regards to relationships, I've never believed in cutting to the chase, or the base, or whatever we say nowsadays in drunken stupors. Basically if you wanna go out with a girl at least get to know her well, no? Which is where the dilemma starts, well unless you get to know her with the intention of going out with her, then the door's that way doctor love.
I mean you get to know this girl, you see hey we have lots in common, you see hey she trusts me with a lot of things, you see hey she tells me stuff and understands me as well, you see hey we enjoy each other's company loads, you see hey she knows I can take care of her.
Then you want to get attached so that you can enjoy her company, take care of her, listen to her problems and let her trust you with a lot of things.
ehhhh?!
yep. That's my quandry. Does this mean that the only way you can get attached is if you have that very intention from the beginning? Friends can't become lovers? And now we ask what's the difference anyway and how do we tell if it is so.....
argh..
I hope I figure this out so I can eventually laugh at myself recalling how I was trying to figure this out.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Lay down, your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey end.
Sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before.
They are calling, from across the distant shore.
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms, you are only sleeping.
What can you see, on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea, a pale moon rises.
The ships have come, to carry you home.
And all will turn, to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.
Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.
Don not say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you will be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.
What can you see ,on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea, a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,to carry you home.
And all will turn, to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
I've known a man for thirteen going on fourteen years now. And as much as I desire not for this to appear as a eulogy or something akin to it I am wont to recite, no to renew the times spent with this paragon of virtue/emo.
We went to the same kindergarten, a quaint institution next to a church down the road to Serangoon Gardens. Trinity Methodist Church Kindergarten, I believe. From a young age, we shared common interests and we would have endless fun role-playing the characters from the golden era of child programming - Transformers and (GO! GO!) Power Rangers. And from that age where memory is blurred, there was a promotional event organized by a local bookstore where you'd send a set of names in and they'd write a story for you with the names as protagonists. The two of us always got the evil dinosaurs that walked around scaring the rest of humanity. Always.
I saw less of him as we entered paradise/ACS (J). The confusion and tumult of entering a school so big, and gasp without having your meals provided for in small cups drew us apart. Well the fact that we were in different classes too didn't make things better. The first three years of primary school yield no solid recollections or poignant events that require much reminiscence or commentary. But he and I were classmates soon enough in primary four, and the rest of the innocent, trapped in a bubble of protection and ignorance like primary school existence, culminating in 6.10 - the three digits that symbolize loyalty, manhood, and the right to rule the universe.
Things upped and went. Things fell apart. But it was no coincidence I feel, that 35/40 of us made it into ACS(I) and proceeded to claim it as our own. The man and I were seperated in secondary one, and well haven't been in the same class since. But the embers never fully dimmed as this NPCC reject by his own admission left the police and joined the Symphonic Band in 2003. Although he was a year too late than the rest of us, his trumpeting skillz saw him make good and we both were part of the executive commitee of 2005 that brought back the award for top band in Singapore. But that's immaterial. Awards mean nought if you don't gain em with a smile.
We joined ACJC concert band in Nov 2005. And we grew closer as brothers because brothers see beneath the cold, aloof exterior and brothers are able to see what really gnaws and leaps within. We helped each other out, in the understatement of the century.
People change. Girls come. People change. But he has always got my back. He's seen me at my lowest and I've seen him at his emo-est. Through all the problems, heartaches and whatnot he has been there for me.
And all I can say now, bro is that I'm here for ya too. Always have, and always will be.
Get well soon Milton.
