http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc8C0oKXbWk Royston Tan's 15. Yeah the whole thing's on youtube, sadly enough. I wanted to buy it the other time, but I was underaged then...ah never mind. Anyway this section (Part 4) is particularly poignant, and I don't know, I'd like to say that it stirs up mixed feelings within about role reversals, and my identity as a chaoangmohkia, but well, it doesn't do the movie justice to critique it like a chaoangmohkia. And I'd post the actual clip, but nah. wait till other chaoangmohkias don't like. (: Anyway just a heads up la it's a little violent and vulgar, but we're all mature enough I hope, and it's pretty chastising.. Actually, I feel pretty inept, and pretentious writing here. It's a real no other city moment, if you know what I mean..deep singaporean poetry that don't tackle the heart of the matter. Sigh. the whole don't know who's right feeling. mmm.Monday, May 28, 2007
I embraced Singapore today on this first day of the hols.
Chucking academia aside, my entire morning and afternoon was consumed at Depot road with my ns medical. I won't spoil it for anyone here, but if anything just hope that they find your vein the first time. Hahaha.
But seriously I felt that much more like an eighteen year old upon taking the compulsory photograph in the recruit uniform, as lame as that sounds, declaring that no I don't smoke or have a tattoo, that my highest qualification is PSLE and yes sir I did go to secondary school, receiving my NS recruit's guide, learning the acronyms, learning what PES really means amongst other things, seeing other 18 year olds from all walks of life (and er arthur,nigel,yuen gi and hans) going through the same things for those five hours, and well, eating my first meal at the canteen. Condemn. But seriously, x2, I'm gonna embrace the rest of my sheltered life centered on studying and achieving paper goals because once that is done, I have to start being a man.
So I went home trying to psyche myself up for focus camp tmr, but all I have been doing (and I admit rather readily) is watching youtube videos on Singapore. It's a pretty intriguing mix. And it all started from watching hokkien bond for the 13136361719th time. That led me to 'Chinese uncle and malay boy fight in singapore bus', 'Singapore bus incident 1', 'singapore bus incident 2' etc etc. Till I came to 'Singapore Rebel', a short about Chee Soon Juan that was never showed commercially in Singapore due to it's 'political' nature. nnnoooo sshhiittt.
And then I came to this.
Friday, May 25, 2007
There's a plan to make all of this right
Just wanna say how proud I am of the Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) A Div Rugby and Tennis Teams. Obviously losing sucks, I know that sinking feeling all too well. But still that was one hella fight you put up, and the AC Spirit that rose up into the air from the pitch was immense. Nothing comes close. Hope the supporters helped. All 30 of them in the front two rows. What I don't get, is how people can sit there being nonchalant, as if they're in a damn lecture, giggling, scratching, perfecting the art of looking bored, while ACS is fighting their hearts out on the pitch. And I don't get how you bermuda-clad children can don the yellow jersey and yet behave like primary school kids on their first excursion to the zoo. Whatever happened to supporting your damn seniors? You don't deserve to wear that shirt, really. Now who's asking you to bawl like a baby when we lose, or mope around as if your entire detached world came crumbling down. All that is needed, is support. Look RJ's council is probably bigger than our entire cohort already, hence the last thing we need is ambivalence and apathy from ACSians who were called down to rally our teams on the pitch and on the courts to success. I'd rather you not be there than sitting there looking listless. I don't even understand rugby as much as I do other sports. But it's not about rugby, it's not so much about the individuals playing, although having your close friends play makes the event even more significant. The only thing that matters, to me, is that ACS (Independent) is out there sweating blood and we, on the sidelines have a duty to carry our school. It's ok if we don't win, but at least we could say we stood up to be counted and roused our comrades on the pitch. Anyway you probably won't understand what I'm saying if you don't have it already. And if you're rollling your eyes, thinking that I am a crazed zealot who's getting all emotional and restless all over a mere school cup final which I'm not even a part of, then there's really not much to be said after all. The Year Sixes on the first and second row, especially those who came to the front to cheer, were awesome. And is it a coincidence that most of us down there were JS men? There's something imbued within us, as in the Year Sixes that actually cared, that I felt manifested itself louder than anything ra ra ra rafffles could ever do. Too bad apathy was the only winner in the stands of the red blue gold that day.Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
wah i clicked view blog and realized that having a Staind song as your front post adds points to the bleak-o-meter. Not good. In fact I put the first verse of a song up mainly because it's more credible than a youtube video. And also because youtube's taking ages to post the 'Optimus Prime - Death of a Hero' clip that I so must share with this ipod generation.
The past month has been a blur, really. There was the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly and the pretty ugly. But mostly it has been disarming. Like one day it feels like you're walking on sunshine, then you kena sunburn the next. But I guess looking back on recent times with a smile rather than a frown means that maybe, omigosh just maybe, the storm clouds are clearing and slowly we're getting to where they told us we'd be at four years ago in red classrooms where everything was happy and more often than not, gay.
And it may be kinda late, but the ruse that Chock, brother liow and shawn pulled off was ingenious. Hats off. But more importantly, it showed that hey, ib has some vestige of humour, goodwill and 1 slide exam briefing powerpoints left beneath the cold, hard and sleepless exterior. I felt a tangible weight lift off from lt 1 that day, coupled by the talk about prom,murals and etheral things that we recognized but have not considered or embraced for a good while now, and frankly, I'm grateful that the creases on our collective forehead could ease out just a little, and that we could take things less seriously just for once.
I may be dreaming though, and IB the cruel monster's just giving us the lull before the storm, and me being somewhat pleased that I have completed tokee and most IAs besides World Lit 1 is actually its inisidious ploy to make me complacent and forget that I have CAS, 48 to the power of pi Bio Practs, IOC preparation, and the general activity of studying so I get 7 points for all my subjects left to do.
In fact I shouldn't even be writing now. And I just remembered I have to do the '50 words to describe IB' thing for the council which I have put off since week 4. SIGH. 50 words don't do this entity justice.
Anyhow I'm really looking forward to our sports matches this week, Hopefully the rugby, tennis and hockey teams will do what the band couldn't, which is erm..win. I miss cheering my trachea out. But I think I miss people more. People are great. :( But good Lord it's the end of May already. People need to know that they're great.
Also, I've decided on like 18 occasions that they're gonna play The Spirit Carries On at my funeral. If you haven't heard the song, let me know so you can sing along in the future. haha.
Speaking of funerals , here's hoping youtube gets Optimus Prime - Death of a Hero up in here soon. I need to cry like I was 5 again. Best form of catharsis I've ever known.
Have a great week everyone (:
This is my life It's not what it was before All these feelings I’ve shared And these are my dreams That I’d never lived before Somebody shake me Cause I, I must be sleeping.Saturday, May 19, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
It's 1.30am. I have to get up and get to Darren's house in four and a half hours. I like the lyrics of this song.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
"I'm very proud of my players. Normally when a team has a lot of success and loses a championship it's lack of motivation, not the same spirit or ambition, but it was exactly the opposite. My team was brilliant.'' - Jose Mourinho
Over the past couple of days on the back of man yoo gaining back the EPL title, I've developed a grudging respect for Jose Mourinho, stemming from his public display of recognition, approval and solidarity towards his team at the end of the match against Arsenal. Chin up, his body language intoned. It may have been wonderful PR or a subtle attempt to keep his job, but his reaction to failure and adversity is, sigh admittedly admirable, I alliterate.
So then I wonder, what defines failure? Inability to obtain set objectives or aspirations? Loss of self belief? Wrong ideas? Wrong methods? Being unable to adapt or change circumstance? I don't know, ask wiki lor.We can recognize the feeling of failure, the gnawing dull pang in the stomach and chest, but it's hard to distinctinly describe. I have an idea though, that failure is not judged, or decided by the end result, but rather by the processes and attitudes that were invested and like, the lousy test score, absence of a championship medal, the gold award in syf are all but mere manifestations of the knowledge that more effort, more work could have been put in and change the status quo.
Sigh, on a weak where I'm so physically and emotionally drained that they should name a reservoir after me, and stab me after for cracking stupid jokes, I've realized how closely linked failure and regret is. In fact, the feeling of failure's but another word for regret. We say we fail because we could have, we should have, we would have done better if we only...etc etc etc. It's a very simtia feeling because you know you could have got what you desired, you know you had the potential, but the lack of propensity to work for what you want ruined everything.
Mourinho dosen't think Chelsea failed. Sure, he goes on to state excuses such as "We had a big problem only to play all season only with (Ricardo) Carvalho at centre-half", but strikingly goes on to say "but now is not the moment to talk about that." soon after. Hell this dude realized that his team had gave 100%. Their 100% may not have been enough this season, but does it mean Chelsea has to wallow in not only wades of cash and oil, but self pity as well?
Niet! (warning: bandie gone wild)
If we gave our all during practice, watched Dr Lee microscopically, for a lack of a better term, perfected our intonation by never forgetting to bring a tuner or to listen out for each other, came for every practice punctually, refrained from saying dumb shit during combined, gave Dr Lee that utter, unadulterated concentration he so fully deserves...if we did ALL of this and More, and only got a dull, faded, and heart wrenching gold. I'll be disappointed, yes. I would scream refree kayu, yes. But I'd have no regrets. I wouldn't say we 'failed'. We would have done a Chelsea, who arguably fought to the end, all biasedness as a staunch Arsenal fan aside. If we did everything we could.
I think we're more like the Gunners though. On our day, our 100 % is better than anyone's 110. I sincerely believe with all my heart that if we actually took more shots outside the box, actually tried the hard and direct route of working the long and arduous ball and used our heads more often, we'd be world champions. We play beautifully, but our commitment and focus have to be present, or else all we have at the end is a souffle, to quote the great Mr. See, all form and no substance.
Gold With Honours
ain't coming to you on a silver platter. You can't simply pass your way into the top. 2 more days. Let's get our hands and mouths dirty and bloody do this. I sure as hell bid you stand, men of the west.
The Best Is Yet To Be.
Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness.You're generally a friendly and trusting person.But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anythingThursday, May 03, 2007
Hark! personality test!Your Five Factor Personality Profile 
Wow, I didn't know reading MSN message histories could be so painful. I thought the wounds had blossomed, were ephemeral, were washed down the river... But no, they're indestructable, constantly tugging at the heart going "There. You had it. She liked you. And you wasted it." That hurts, but maybe it's because I'm in love with the memories. Would I entertain the thought again? No. Over everything, over her I am already? Yes. So why do the old smileys, long replies and 'hahahahaha's hurt so bad?
Sometimes the numbing feeling causes itchiness and restlessness within and things are going downhill with me, quoting world lit like this.
Sigh. Carpe diem, kenneth.
Delivered at 1:37 AM;
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
,
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the Sun,
The higher he's a-getting;
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.
That age is best, which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Time still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.