Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I feel the June holidays are coming to an end. Which is a little peculiar, seeing the obvious that they haven't even began. And yet in these three days following school's closure I am wrought with the same sinking, guilty feeling I usually get at the end of June where deadlines should have been met and I just shrug and say there's still time la. I feel rather empty to be honest, and I'm not sure if that void can be filled with piling on myself copious amounts of trees that once were, and entrusting myself with the task of engraving my regurgitation on them with deep, black felt.
Brother Liow mentioned that in rife, women might get you down, circumstance might hand you a few curved balls, and well your existence might well be futile, but if your studies are up, then everything looks up in turn. I can't really empathize with that, since I have never needed to crane my neck to look up at my results, but he might be right. I'm doing well, on average, which isn't that well after all. I'm getting my 6s in my HLs and French, and yet I know that if I don't do enough revision this month, it might be choppy waters for me. Well can't really help that the rubrics for grading my Hls (B and M, Eng A1 and History) aren't set in stone, and Priya has been awfully kind with our French tests I feel, giving me 53/70 for repeating the same staid, unstable phrases that I am honestly quite disgusted at. Let's go beyond il/elle est shall we?
And well, my math and bio marks are like a goddamn sine curve. har har. It's just frustrating not being able to excel at these subjects which supposedly hand you your 7s on a gold platter. Again I hope(we all hope don't we) that this June will be productive. I've got IB TYS to do, and who knows I might come out all the wiser. and 180 degrees = pi in radians. Awesome, A math virgin.
So why this sudden peek into the crystal ball of academia? It's the hols for goodness sake, don't go all about like some education anaylst. But, I must go back to what my bro said. Women and circumstance might get you down, but study well, and all things will fall into place. Don't worry folks, I'm not turning sadistic and rafflesian, just that, maybe, just maybe I have to put on the thick, horn rimmed glasses instead of the rose tinted shades and, you know, try to make some semblence of an effort to actually be serious, at what I'm supposed to be serious about during this season of my existence.
but to be honest,who am I kidding? sigh.
Monday, May 29, 2006
I chanced upon an old, old Cd in the dusty depths of my old music drawer. It was tucked neatly beneath a whole array of discs whose music stored within I have forsaken for a good four years now. I remember the time when I used to listen to planetshakers and hillsongs, the old old hillsongs, when "Shout To The Lord" was a new single. There were also P.O.D's first two albums before they signed on to Atlantic, Thousand Foot Krutch, Switchfoot's first three albums (bet you didn't know they had songs other than Dare You To Move right), as well as Pillar, Petra, All Star United, DC Talk, etc etc. There was the first secular CD i bought as well, Creed's My Own Prison. Ah well those were the days I suppose.
The CD I found, was a deep yellow disc circa 1997. A self titled album by Seven Day Jesus, a modern rock band which broke up in 1998 but got back together for Bleach's final concert in 2004. Alright enough with the history lesson. I haven't listened to SDJ since sec 1, and well they sound like a cross between Goo Goo Dolls, Jimmy Eat World and The Calling. A little bit poppy by my standards, but hey its good music. I don't know what attraced me to this cd back then, but when I heard them for the first time somethng struck me that struck me again five years on when I pressed play on the CD player while cleaning up the room.
The members of SDJ look like a bunch of emo twenty somethings going on about life's trials and tribulations that they think they know about. And on some tracks they sound a little commerical in fact. But I don't know, hearing them again, there's an element of maturity and world-weariness therein that combines with optimism and hope gained from the knowledge of God's love. They're not preachy, although the band name sorta lets you know their religious inclinations, and maybe they sound poppy on certain tracks because of faith paralleled with major chords, but I realize that this CD is poignant, and their age belies the wisdom they have that translates to music.
Granted its not as heavy as I'd like to, but this is one of the few modern rock CDs that I actually adored, and slowly am coming back to loving again, for the mere reason that there was this group of musicians that sang about love, and they could sing about girls, failed relationships and whatnot, and climb to a billboard top 100. They had the voice, they had the look, but they chose instead to sing about how we so sorely lack Jesus in our lives today. And they sang well. Well enough to be up right there with the best in the modern/alt. rock industry.
If anyone of you out there likes the bands I've mentioned earlier, do give this CD a try. Granted that their release date might make their sound seem old fashioned, but well if a self -confessed metalhead can put away the pride, you may realize that the songs inside this disc, pierce you right where it hurts, and slowly cleans away the blood.
Where do You hide the tears
You should be crying when I have fallen again and
Where do You hide the tears
That fell in the day when I turned You away
You throw them away
In the sea of forgetfulness
Sunday, May 28, 2006
I find it a tad sad, that while packing up my room for the anticipated holiday (mugging) season, I find a GDC, four standard Sharp calculators, a little Jimmy Neutron calculator that beeps, a mathematical instrument set, a curved rule...and well no mathematical ability to speak of.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Come here baby you know you drive me up a wall the way you make good on all the nasty tricks you pull. Seems like we're makin' up more than we're makin' love and it always seems you got somn' on your mind other than me. Girl, you got to change your crazy ways you hear me?
Say you're leavin' on a seven thirty train and that you're headin' out to Hollywood girl you been givin' me that line so many times it kinda gets like feelin' bad looks good. That kinda lovin', turns a man to a slave. That kinda lovin' sends a man right to his grave
I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy. You turn it on, then you're gone, yeah you drive me crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby. What can I do, honey I feel like the color blue...
You're packin' up your stuff and talkin' like it's tough and tryin' to tell me that it's time to go but I know you ain't wearin' nothin' underneath that overcoat and it's all a show. That kind of lovin' makes me wanna pull down the shade, yeah that kind of lovin' now I'm never, never, never, never gonna be the same.
I'm losin' my mind, girl cause I'm goin' crazy I need your love, honey I need your love.
Crazy, crazy, crazy, I go crazy. You turn it on, then you're gone, yeah you drive me crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby. I'm losin' my mind, girl cause I'm goin' crazy,crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby. You turn it on, then your gone yeah you drive me.......
thanks stevie.
Allow me to indulge in a moment of decadance if you might. Must be the holiday mood (school was out today), or the pre-holiday mood (school's out again in a couple of days), hence my penchance for good ol' 80s rock these few days. Been doing my business IA, IOP and whatnot with the help of Def Leppard, Guns N Roses and Aerosmith. Ahh the times when the grass was green, the hair was long, the sky was blue and the leather was tight.
We're approaching the middle of two and a thousand and a six. Boom.
a couple of days till the hols
a couple of days till I plan to do something fruitful during the hols
a month till I realize that I should have/have done something fruitful during the hols
a month and then some till common tests. nothing unsual. geddit? haha
two months till mon anniversare, je suis dix sept ans. Whee. go french me.
three months till my close friend of five years Steph leaves for uni in the UK. I remember the times we always wanted to meet at the fence seperating AC from UWC..and all those times at church and at your place. Can't believe you've finished IB, and you're leaving soon.
a year and then some till my own IB final, sorta tells me how much I have to catch up before I'm ready to get that effing diploma.
two years till NS.
I'm not ready to think beyond that.. Sigh at first this post was supposed to be decadent. DECADENT! But now its reflective and contemplative. bah. Ah well, who said 80s Rock ain't reflective and contemplative?
Delivered at 10:25 PM;
a whisp of hair, a gleam for allthe devil in her deadly dancefor woe betide, for woe befallall ye who embraced in trance
Delivered at 2:43 PM;
Monday, May 22, 2006
AC You Tube Madness!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWLReKmEhRU
Presenting - Girls In AC by an unknown youtuber. Hmm sounds like a root, geddit tuber? k anyway I think this is hilarious to the power of hilarous, and because blogger refuses to let me embed the video, click on the link above priss, it's a riot.
Highlights include :
Szelin, with a *gasp* ponytail
Richard Fong looking demure
NCC boys taken outta context
Beach Boys Soundtrack
Sin, well being , erm Sin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYvb2rIOgGY
this. Is. Very. cool. Not representative of the entire demographic, but still. really . really cool. fullstop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yJuNf9pEwY
Makes you kinda proud to be an ACSian for more than three quarters of your existence dosen't it?
Sunday, May 21, 2006
When someone holds a torch for you, does it means that you're gonna be burnt to a crisp?
Quite funnily that thought randomly impressed itself into my tired mind some time ago, in between doing my mock IOP presentation and resting from today's Zaobao Cup tourney, which for the uninitiated is the national school's individual tabletennis tournament, a huge ass 128 man competition and for all those who care and for all those who don't I got top 16 in the U-19 category, losing to some seeded China dude ( aren't they all ) 2- 1. AH well.
Anyway I wish they'd allow us to critique the poems in No Other City rather than conjuring up themes to pigeon hole them in so we can present on how effective the poet was in conveying the theme which we have thought of to pigeon hole them in. Circular reasoning? abbuden.
To be fair some works in the anthology are pretty decent, but the majority really try to intellectualize their perceptions of Singapore way too much in the name of pursuing National Identity. National Identity ain't about using jargon and bombast vocabulary, it's about the reader being able to CONNECT with your work, and I certainly don't connect with a poet who's personal description of himself goes :
"What interests me is the totalising effect of urban space, its transformations, its insistent self-reflexive framework between culture and capitalism. The thematics of spectatorship has reduced lives in the city to a phantasmagoria; spirits intoxicated with each other, copulating in a techno-superstructure of commodity fetishism.We exist as ghosts of the machine-future. I want to tell these stories."
Well then, sigh I guess the only apt response would be :
haha no offence. It's not that I don't understand the plethora(woah!) of words you'res saying , just that how this transcribes to National Identity I catch no ball. In other news, and in lieu of the trials and tribulations of the past week that us brothers have to face, I would like to dedicate a song, by the Village People to the good people at furlmusic.blogspot.com, as well as the few, hot-blooded famary men in ACS (I) that know their priorites in life, which are mainly :
1.Health
2.Famary
3.Buddies
yep. and no homo, although I find certain lines in the song mildy disturbing. So here goes :
Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.
Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
You can get yourself clean,
you can have a good meal,
You can do what about you feel ... Young man, are you listening to me?
I said, young man, what do you want to be?
I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!
No man does it all by himself.
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.
I'm sure they can help you today.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
You can get yourself clean,
you can have a good meal,
You can do what about you feel ...
Young man, I was once in your shoes.
I said, I was down and out with the blues.
I felt no man cared if I were alive.
I felt the whole world was so tight ...
That's when someone came up to me,
And said, young man, take a walk up the street.
There's a place there called the y.m.c.a.
They can start you back on your way.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ... Y.M.C.A
Saturday, May 20, 2006
what's a guy got to do to keep out that sinking feeling that tells him that something's not right that he did something wrong that things are not what they appear that you know maybe he said something maybe he did something maybe he did not do something maybe in reality everything is fine but he just wants to hold on to the things that are precious to him and he dosen't want them to go away or maybe he is insecure deep inside maybe he needs love maybe he needs hope but maybe he has got love and hope but he dosent realize it because he is so worried about losing them and maybe just maybe its one horrible nightmare that he'll wake up from laughing and wiping the sweat from his brow saying that i should have just trusted god on this and smile and say oh how naive i was when i was young and o what needless worry and sorrow and he should thank god for how blessed he is but now is now not the future not eventually now he feels worried now he feels loss now he feels a void in his heart oh god ease the pain and worry please it's your plan not his and numb the ache please oh god why oh god why don't i know what a guy has got to do to keep out that sinking feeling.
Monday, May 15, 2006
You ask me i love you how deep
I love you how many points
My feelings also real
My love also real
The moon represents my heart
You ask me i love you how deepI love you how many points
My feelings don't move
My love don't change
The moon represents my heart
Soft soft that one kiss
Already moved my heart
Deep deep that period of feelings
Teach me to think till today
You ask me i love you how deep
I love you how many points
You go think-a-think
You go look-a-look
The moon represents my heartsigh love ah.....hahaha
Sunday, May 14, 2006
healthandfamary.blogspot.com
A journey through the rifes, roves and everything else in between of a few good men.
watch this space.
We fell in love, with dust in our lids
And the pain of a severed soul
We lowered our heads and lifted our face
Placed our bodies in celebration
On the lips of a mutilated man
I carry the bones of a deformed child
And my own polluted breath
I speak the old man's words
In a persuasive eloquence
Bless the dust that hides
This unlamented head
On the crest of fire, our wings are burning
How glorious the pain
And the ways of God, shriek out of tune
All is lost but hope
On the crest of fire
Our wings are burning
To the wind's anthem
All is lost but hope
Delivered at 4:12 PM;
Every guy should learn how to cook. Seriously, taking the woman out for a fancy dinner is cool and stuff, but making a meal is so much more enriching, and erm satisfying. This is the conlcusion that I have come to, while mindlessly eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sigh the realization that I can't make a hot meal to save my life sorta irks me. I've always wanted to be able to make italian food, but so far the best I've got is like Olive oil and foccacia. hahaha.
Hopefully I'll be able to learn a thing or two from my mom like in the hols, coz its really awesome being able to cook, I mean besides the whole romantic factor and all. Set set set, three course meal by the end of june, and I'll like invite you guys to trust me with your medical bills the next day..haha sorta like the Spurs kitchen staff, awesome stuff man. Hmmmm, I definitely wanna do pasta, not the ones in Prego cans, but like make my own sauce or something. The word 'simmer' suddenly pops into my head. haha crap la if only I didn't have the motor skills of a fish cake with Parkinson's. I actually went to take a look at my mom's old recepie books while clearing up the living room while the rest of the folks are in hong kong..haha and no I'm not turning into some meterosexual go for facials kinda guy,
heck i'm not even turning sexual.
whee go me. k back to dna replication and transcription.
Delivered at 2:04 PM;
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
the reflection I wrote for the Cambodia Booklet that we compiled, entitled "les commencer"
Ironic it may be to title a set of closing thoughts 'The Beginning', you do realize its aptness after a while in the sense that this, besides being a precursor to the other articles and reflections in this booklet, is inherently not a summary of what we have done on the trip to Cambodia, and neither is its purpose to recap mere activities and routine. Rather, it will probably give you an indication of the issues, thoughts and emotions mentioned in the following works, and it is my hope, that after digesting the very last word of this booklet, you would think for yourself, 'This is only the beginning'. Just imagine if you would: How meaningless would it be, to open a Window On a World for just an instant, taking a glimpse of what lies beyond the spectrum of our comfort zones, and in the end slamming it down quickly upon our return to the tumult of everyday life at 121 Dover Road, once again diminishing and dimming our world view and perception of the world, which I can assume have been verily changed.
On the way to get a much craved for teh peng after returning home from Cambodia on the 28th, the penchant for cliched questions my dad had got the better of him, and he asked me: 'What is one word that you would use to describe your trip?' After repeating the query a few more times due to my apparent lack of interest with anything other than the imminent cup of milky goodness, I finally answered, in the hope that I would not give a cliched response, that one word I would use to describe this trip, was 'different.' Stunned that I would give an answer apart from 'amazing', 'fun' or 'fantastic', we rode the rest of the way in silence. However the word 'different' never left my mind.
Firstly the destination, Cambodia, was not one which we signed up for in the hope that we would get a well earned vacation from the doldrums of school life. I had no idea of what to expect in Cambodia beforehand, but something told me it would not include sprawling big malls and other things associated with a dream get away. Cambodia was different, unlike any other overseas trips, or OEPs that I have been to. I think it says a lot when one of her main tourist attractions is a former prison accustomed to having blood splattered on its walls and floors, and its halls and corridors echoing the screams and wails of tortured victims. Victims, who had their nationality stated Cambodian. Cambodia was different. A land consumed by its past, stuck in a vile time machine of sorts, where its people want to move on, unshackle themselves from the ugly brand of a Third World Country, as well as their dark history, but cannot because they are constantly forced to revisit this history in the name of tourism to attract the very foreign dollar that they so need to rebuild their country. Cambodia was different. What she could not come up with in terms of entertainment value, she made up for in rustic, old world charm that left me wondering how amazing a place she would be if not for the misdemeanours of her own people.
Secondly, the people were different. In the most literal and metaphorical sense you can imagine. Their outlook on life made me question my own, and as you will read in the rest of the works, contained grit, determination and defiance layered under the most beautiful and contented smiles you could ever find. Defiant towards circumstance, defiant towards economic status, defiant towards history, the Cambodians which we came into contact with belied the reality of their lives, and made me question the distinction between what I need and what I want in my own life, and I admit, is indeed quite blurry. The kids at COSI had something different from us. They had an unabashed view of God, a view not affected by the kind of songs we sing, the instruments we play, the number of people we have in our church or anything else. Rather, they had an unadulterated view of Christ, one which contained gratefulness, thankful for their very existence. An example of this is would be during the worship sessions that we were fortunate to be a part of. And without elaborating too much, something that I took away was the realization that a relationship with God can be so simple. Worship needing to be nothing more than a voice and the occasional worn out snakeskin drum. No need for elaborate set ups, vast choirs and the most expensive instruments, because beneath all that,
God looks at the heart.
And the kids at COSI had heart.
Thirdly and finally, we ourselves are different. I do not think that it is mere coincidence that the twenty six of us have been placed together on this journey. Without taking into account complications regarding the whole WOW signup and other perfunctory matters, I can say that we are a special lot. More special than other OEP groups, and we definitely did not come together by accident. And yes, writing the first article in this booklet grants me permission to make such grandiose claims. But to be honest, I could envisage going on this trip with nobody else. Over that one week in Cambodia, my outlook on rife, rove, famary, health, buddies and other entities have been challenged and refreshed, and I can proudly say that I have come out of this experience a new person. And I hope the rest of us have been changed too by this once in a lifetime experience to a place not usually associated with fun, joy and hope, but containing these in abundance nonetheless.
Thus to conclude, it is the beginning. A beginning of newly forged friendships, of newly found awareness, of greater sensitivity to the world around us, to new love found in our hearts, and to a changed out look in life. I hope that after reading the following pages, we will not forget our experience in Cambodia ever, the kids we have met, in whose lives we should continue to make a difference, as well as each other and the times spent together, because we are a really, really, really, special bunch. So even as the people of Cambodia attempt to rebuild their lives, and as we over here in Singapore attempt to keep up with the pace of our own existences there’s only one thing to say in finality, as ACSians have done since time millennia: The Best Is Yet to Be. For us, and for the people of Cambodia, who have taught us to live life, the way it should be done.
come armageddonSunday, May 07, 2006
I like powerful imagery. Metal Cd covers have the best epic art I tell you. Anyway, I'm half watching the election results now, talk about power..anyway I'll comment on that shortly, with some pictures of the rally.
ALJUNEID. ggpo.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Ce sont les meilleures equipes
Es sind die allerbesten Mannschaften
The main event
Die Meister
Die Besten
Les grandes equipes
The champions
Send someone to love me, I need to rest in arms. Keep me safe from harm in pouring rain.Give me endless summer,Lord I fear the cold. Feel I'm getting old before my time. As my soul heals the shame I will grow through this pain. Lord I'm doing all I can to be a better man.
Go easy on my conscience 'cause it's not my fault. I know I've been told to take the blame . Rest assured my angels will catch my tears, walk me out of here I'm in pain. As my soul heals the shame I will grow through this pain. Lord I'm doing all I can to be a better man.
Once you've found that lover you're homeward bound, love is all around, love is all around. I know some have fallen on stony ground but Love is all around. Send someone to love me, I need to rest in arms. Keep me safe from harm in pouring rain.Give me endless summer,Lord I fear the cold. Feel I'm getting old before my time. As my soul heals the shame I will grow through this pain. Lord I'm doing all I can,
to be a better man....
Delivered at 10:34 PM;
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"O, call back yesterday, bid time return"
- William Shakespeare; King Richard II
Monday, May 01, 2006
Today's May 1, my mom and dad's wedding anniversary.
22 years.
That's a hellauva long time if you ask me. Sure couples have lived together for more than half a decade without pulling their hair out, but still, two decades and a couple of years ain't half bad to be honest. Actually, I think it's a great achievement. Like I told Mommy Lim last night at dinner, the mere fact that you actually got married, not even counting the many years, the fact that you found someone who loves you and whom you loved, and decided together to start something called a famary...says quite a lot. In my eyes, that's something to be proud of I guess. Maybe not proud of , but at least you know you're not alone in this worldd..
My mom then proceeded to give me that knowing look, the look that screamed low self esteem at 18 is mandatory, and said something along the lines of 'you may never know, but there might be girls out there who seceretly admire you', that kinda stuff that a mom would say to make things better for her kid, in the same vein as statements making references to purchases of plastic figurines and sugar coated treats.
22 years.
That's half of 44. and a third of 66. wow.
22 years.
That's like way beyond my existence. by 5.
22 years.
What will I be like, when I'm 22?
22 years.
Who will be there with me, when I'm 22?
22 years.
Why the hell am I writing like this? hahah.
22 years. 5 years too early.
happy anniversary mom and dad.