Thank God that I didn't have to take the O levels.
Now that wasn't a concieted 'Hah I told you so', or a statement of confidence. Rather I'm just relieved, and very frightened by the fact that I didn't have to go through this hellish experience, and that I'll have no experience(besides the PSLE) of major examinations except for..erm my IB diploma in 2 years?! *panik* But seriously, hats off to all of you Express people that mugged your ways bloodshot eyed to today. The psle was but a fleeting moment till today, when I saw many worried faces, creased brows and pale complexions queue up to get the sheets of paper...The 1240 bell was like a death knell. It was quite horrifying. But I don't know whats more horrifying, that or the fact that I don't have this experience. The final IB exams don't look that far ahead now..and with the general forecast of feelings for today's yoof to be anxious and hyperventilating, I can't help but feel a tad worried...
Ugh. and you know what's the worst thing? I can congratulate, and marvel at the ones that ya know, get 7,8 A1s and stuff ( which I think is hella awesome).. but I can only stand here, like a helpless traffic light watching an accident taking place right in front of me, and do nothing, when I see people upset over their results. How do I console them? I have not taken part in their labour, although I know that it was full of blood and sweat. These travails I have no participation of, and is that a good thing? Mel told me that half of mg was crying today. I swear its just such a morbid and sickening feeling to see people cry, and you being able to do diddlysquat to ease their pain, or to comfort them. What common, rehashed phrases can you employ to hope for a small glimmer of a smile?
Mind if I digress? A small peek into beyond this confident exterior and here's a few things in life that I fear, and would never wanna come into contact with as much as possible in my humble existence here on earth.
1) Isolation. No man is an island they say. I need an archiepelego dammit.
2)Being Speechless. You know sometimes when your mind goes blank, and words can't formulate in your mouth? Especially during a) important academic presentations/debates b) a treasured moment with that special someone, and you're gazing into each others' eyes, and you know that you're enjoying the moment. Yet you have nothing to say at all. And you can't say "Brb", or reply the sms after you've thought about something to say..
3)Seeing girls cry.
4)Seeing girls cry and not being able to do anything at all to provide a little solace. I'm not being chauvanistic here, or saying that girls are weak. When a guy sheds tears, its powerful I guess. But for me I just can't watch a girl cry, and not being able to comfort her. It's just this innate thing in my psyche that compels me never EVER to wanna make a girl sad, or allow a girl to get hurt.May I reiterate, this is not some Cassanova,Romeo, Saviour of The Universe kinda conviction and mentality. But rather, its just this thing inside me that can't stand seeing a girl getting hurt, emotionally or otherwise. Heroism? nah.. I dunno what it is either, except that it pains me deep when a girl I know just breaks down and cries, and I can't do anything but stand and watch, like the coward I am.....
I don't even dare to offer my shoulder.
Heh it's true I guess, the old adage, more grievous than tears are the sight of them .I remember reading this book saying that every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right instantly. heh how true. I have never mastered the art of shedding tears, but I guess that what soap is for the body, tears are for the soul, so its ok to cry baby.
Just hope that I can bear to see it . (:
So sorry to have gone off tangent a tad bit people, and my apologies for being so emotional(i think). It is not my wish for you to come here and see bitching, gossiping and bitterness. Rather through this site I want you to experience what's life for me. What makes my heart ache, leap and do other acrobatic manouvers. And on this note I'll say adieu till my next outpouring of thoughts. I'm feeling a bit heavy ( not what you think la! I've lost 6kg since school started oredi!haha), but I know that others may feel that they have the divine right to more grief and sorrow.
Well to those let me just offer my E- hanky and E-shoulder for you to bury your hurt in. I can't understand what you're going through, but just know, that you're not alone. God's with you.
Always.
and well me too (:
Delivered at 11:29 PM;
KENNETH
Name:Slumber
Born:16th August
FANCIES
Him.K.anglo-chinese.music for the passionate.marvel.gunners.
Orange.debate.
long bus rides armed with an eye and a pod.74.
philosophizing.dystopia.
coffee.Rove.Health.Famary.
Buddies.
writing.1984.
expression.Italian food.
journeys.teh-peng.
stream of consciousness.
witty play on words.musing.
accents.the heartrands.performing.
being a closet connossieur.
a point of view.vigorous
interaction with spherical objects.
irony&pathos.yum.
JS.spirit.a girl that would smile