I was looking at the first page of this blog and I found it disheartingly elusive and somewhat superficial. 3 youtube links that okay, made me happy, a couple of souffle-esque posts (all form and no substance), a de-punctuated rant and a quote from the Straits Times regarding the conflict in rural india, where the punishment issued was yep, a confisication of the family buffalo.
And in the spirit of reflection and looking back upon, I realize that my recent writing doesn' t tell anything about me. It's all good fun, but nothing really fills you up. And as I grow older I guess I am looking for more long lasting things, for more permanent fixtures in my life. And just a thought: Fireworks give me bittersweet feelings because they take ages to get ready, they get the thronging crowds all brimming with excitement, and after exploding in the night sky with 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs' and 'oi don't block lahh' they just fade away into the nothingness once more.
Of course they're beautiful and romantic. They have to be. Or else they can't capture our imagination for so short a time. What else do they have to offer besides these moments of brillance?
I like moments though. Maybe its a youth thing. My therapist calls it the pursuit of instant gratification. Whatever the term, I think that my life thus far has not been one long sentence, although sometimes it feels like one. Rather it's moments after moments that have been strung together, words that mean something as much by themselves as collectively. It's funny though, that I always dream big, I always idealize my dream uni, my dream job, my dream wife, my dream spot at Mt Vernon, stuff like that. But sadly enough I realize I live my life short term. It's the moments that I live for, rather than the long run. Bah. Humbug.
I think I learnt how to feel this year. To feel love, to feel infatuation, to feel the difference. To feel music, to feel mere notes,to feel philosophical, to feel about my way in the darkness of academia. Stuff like that. Yep, could be the alternative lyrics to the Robbie Williams song. Anyway-
Alright, enough. Enough now.
Delivered at 6:59 PM;
KENNETH
Name:Slumber
Born:16th August
FANCIES
Him.K.anglo-chinese.music for the passionate.marvel.gunners.
Orange.debate.
long bus rides armed with an eye and a pod.74.
philosophizing.dystopia.
coffee.Rove.Health.Famary.
Buddies.
writing.1984.
expression.Italian food.
journeys.teh-peng.
stream of consciousness.
witty play on words.musing.
accents.the heartrands.performing.
being a closet connossieur.
a point of view.vigorous
interaction with spherical objects.
irony&pathos.yum.
JS.spirit.a girl that would smile