Emotion Sickness, haha how apt. Two nouns packed together and what, increase the intensity of both, swirling about till we get a huge dose of Emosick? Or Emo-ness. AH that makes much more sense.
I was struck by a big wave of Emotion Sickness today. Something like being sea sick, just that your emotions are just as tumultuous are the waves, to randomly scour about for weak metaphors.
Anyway,I shall first though, and for the first time: recount what i did today!
Actually let's start from last night. After Jan 1's drunken resolutions, I thought hey why not lets give this whole 'studying' thing a try. So I took out my Math textbook, and read for two hours the chapter on limits and the introduction to differentiation. It was enriching, mind boggling, and evoking almost the same feeling as having completed an Iron Man, bloody, tired, bloody tired, but satisfied nonetheless.
Thursday, today. Had Biology and Math in close proximity of each other, so I tried for the first time too, paying attention to both, taking down notes profusely and schitz. Tok was a respite though, as the class was reduced to mainly just Jwong, Justin, a few sporadic voices and I talking. What's New. We did genetics in biology, Michelle's a 23XXX, super female. And I just just came home today and went through what we did. Someone should buy 4D. Math was mental acrobatics as well, calculus. But ah well, my reading last night remotely helped.
Oh Priya's not teaching us french anymore. Pourquoi Madam, Pourqoui? but we're replaced by this 25 year old-esque Belge native speaker of French called Laurence von something. Je regrette, I'll find out more soon.
Then the nice talk, by chock. Mmmmzhi mmmzhi.
The talk was perversely beautiful. There was a tangible smell of fear and trepidation in the air. Beautiful though, because Chock ended with a prayer. Small, and well repeated gesture with very little variants apart from "In Jesus name we pray, the Best is Yet To Be", but still appreciated. Just made me realize that I mean no matter how much crud was presented to us, deadlines and whatnot, at least we submitted it to God, as a level. Makes me appreciate the Christian culture in AC. In other secular institutions it'd be nothing more than a good luck have fun, and thanks for all the fish kinda thing.
I recount these, for the simple purpose of reiterating that I'm ready for IB Year Goddamn 2. I'm ready to work till I bleed for my 40 points. I'm ready to wean myself off all my vices so I can get into a good uni, get a good job, and be able to provide for my parents and my future family. I'm ready to do what it takes, and the last thing I need is for the carpet to be pulled under from my feet that has just started to move.
I needa see Dr.Ong tommorow morning coz i messed up my maths. Simple as that. Emotion Sickness. I was preparing to do my best to improve, and this just reminds me that I'm terrible at math. 4 people will be retained tommorow. I don't believe it'd be me, and people told me "you siao ah, you top history how to retain". That makes it all the more pathethic. Why can't I do well in math? Last year was crap(oh hey so was last last, last last last, last last last last..ooh patternz) and I always resolve to do better the next time around. And now, whoopdedoo, I need to see Dr "Wahhh so smart ahhh Kenneth, I need to give you a dean's list for saxophone too ahhh" Ong. Now I'm gonna be the fool that lives in extremes. I mean of course I care about how I look in front of my principal, but that's not the point. I'm just fatigued by the fact that I have to go face my demon again, and be reminded of my aptitude, or therelack of, at Mathematics. I wanna move on dammit.
Actually the talk with Dr. Ong is needed, I admit, the last push, the catalyst to stop the freefall. Maybe all my New Year's resolutions aren't good enough.
This is such a sorry situation that it's not even funny. You think I enjoy running off from Dean's list to go for Math Con Camp? I joke about it so that by being funny, it'd mask the incredulity of the entire fiasco.
I'm not gonna make empty promises now. I screwed up. I wanna fix it. Emosick.
That's that. Que Sera Sera.
Delivered at 10:17 PM;
KENNETH
Name:Slumber
Born:16th August
FANCIES
Him.K.anglo-chinese.music for the passionate.marvel.gunners.
Orange.debate.
long bus rides armed with an eye and a pod.74.
philosophizing.dystopia.
coffee.Rove.Health.Famary.
Buddies.
writing.1984.
expression.Italian food.
journeys.teh-peng.
stream of consciousness.
witty play on words.musing.
accents.the heartrands.performing.
being a closet connossieur.
a point of view.vigorous
interaction with spherical objects.
irony&pathos.yum.
JS.spirit.a girl that would smile